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Inducing Emotional Dependence

People become emotionally "hooked" on those persons who can truly satisfy their never-ending need for human understanding.

The key to winning the one you want is to first get that person to become emotionally dependent on you - not the other way around.

As you learn to satisfy a person's deep-rooted emotional need for understanding, you will in time find them becoming emotionally dependent on you.

Be There (In Person)!

Make yourself available to the one your want. You must make yours presence known and felt.

Sometimes the greatest love is found, not because we went out and actively sought it, but because somebody pushed it on us at a time when we thought we weren't yet interested.

When people are ready to fall in love, it will always be with someone who is relatively close at hand.

So be there for the one you want - even when they don't seem to need or want you. The time will come when they will need someone and you will be there to step in.

Listen Reflectively

People want someone they can confide in. Imagine the happiness if there is at least one other person who really knows and understands what you are going through.

Many people seem to have a hard time revealing their true thoughts and feelings to others.

What can you do to win someone's trust and break down the communication barriers? You can use a method known as reflective listening.

1) Remain silent while the other person is speaking. Don't try to interrupt. Let the person talk as long as they want. The more willingness you exhibit to let the other person express himself or herself fully, the more completely you will help satisfy their emotional need to be understood.

2) Keep your body still. Fidgeting conveys impatience and disinterest on your part.

3) When the speaker pauses for some acknowledge that you are really listening and understanding, just nod your head.

4) Keep your eyes focused on the speaker while he or she is talking. Not looking at the person implies that you are really not interested in what they are saying.

5) Occasionally, when the person pauses for some response from you, briefly sum up what you feel they are trying to say. Try to describe their feelings even more accurately than they themselves have. This process will help the speaker to more clearly identify his or her own feelings, while experiencing a sense of unity with you.

6) Don't provide any evaluations or opinions regarding the person's expressed attitudes or feelings. Don't criticize! Any opinions from you at all may caused the person to regret having opened up to you.

Avoid Being Critical

Experience has shown that the only predictable result of criticism is the weakening of trust in human relationships. It is true that occasionally a person will take a critical, judgmental remark to heart and make some beneficial changes because of it. But it still makes them less willing to open up and be vulnerable to the person who criticized them. And if you are trying to in someone's love, this loss of trust is completely self-defeating. It they really need to have their faults pointed out, fine. Let someone else do it.

Avoid using the word "why?". The word "why?" creates an automatic defensive response. By using it, we unintentionally demand others to justify themselves to us.

Avoid giving advice. Wise men don't need it, and fools won't heel it. What they really need is someone who will reflectively listen to them. Generally, people already know, in the back of their mind, what they should do.

Avoid criticizing while claiming you don't intend to. For example, "I don't mean this to be critical, but...". This can be the worst form of criticism.

Express Genuine Admiration And Praise

The intensity of love feelings one person will experience towards another in a relationship occurs in direct proportion to how important and worthwhile they believe they are in the eyes of that other person.

The more important a person feels that he or she really is to you, the stronger and deeper will be their reciprocated feelings of love, dependence, and attachment for you.

THE VALUE OF FEELING VALUABLE

One of the most important human needs, next to feeling unconditional acceptance, is to feel valuable. People not only need to feel accepted in spite of their faults, but also need to be recognized and appreciated for their positive qualities.

The one you want is a human being with a need for admiration and praise, which they are helpless to satisfy alone, If you are aware of this and make a conscious effort to satisfy their hunger in this respect, they will develop a deeper dependence on you.

THE REASSURANCE OF BEING REASSURED

By expressing genuine admiration and praise to the one you want, you will be meeting an emotional need for reassurance which they are incapable of satisfying for themselves.

ADMIRING ADMIRINGLY

Spend time getting to know the person. Listen first, in order to understand. Consciously note that person's good qualities. Tell the person what you have discovered and observed. Praise their virtues. Tell hem how much you benefit from their association.

By doing so, you will encourage that person to be willing to depend on you for a greater sense of worth and leads you closer to a fulfilling love relationship.

Supply Sympathy

Everyone need some sympathy from time to time. By giving sympathy to the one you want in a time of need, you can greatly relieve their emotional burdens and strengthen the bonds of attachment that they feel for you. It is human nature that people gravitate towards those who help them through emotionally difficult times.

Spend time trying to understand how the person really feels before offering words of intended comfort.

Listen reflectively first.

The word sympathy means "together in feeling". People need to know they are not alone in how they think and feel about things.



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